Report #2

Divorce

Divorce is something in today’s world that occurs frequently, and its rate is still rapidly growing. I’m going to start off by giving you some of my viewpoints on divorce and how it has affected me. Both of my parents divorced each other when I was around the age of fifteen. Some say that it is better to have your parents divorce when you are younger because you are not at the age to know exactly what is going on. But in my case, I was well at the age to know what horrible situation was going on with my parents. At the time I fully knew what was going on but my little sister, who at the time was about eleven wasn’t able to comprehend what exactly was going on. In her case it was actually better, due to the fact that she still had a couple to realize that her parents were not going to be with each other anymore.
You see, I don’t want to say that I am a brilliant kid, but I knew that something was not right with my parents. Maybe some parents are better than others when it comes to hiding the fact that their relationship is diminishing. It can even be that they want their older kids to see that things aren’t the way that they used to be and that maybe it was time for change. In a way, I think that this is better to do because in the long run it is better for the children. It sound crazy but I think that it is smart because element of surprise (especially in this situation) can be very crucial and someone can end up getting hurt badly. For instance, I had never knew that my parents where going through these hard times and they needed to be separate from each, when it came time for me to find out that they could no longer be together it would of destroyed me. The only difference is that it did not occur because I was wise enough to know that a change needed to happen or else the atmosphere in the house would not get any better.
When the day came for my mother to tell me what is exactly was going on, I just brushed it off like nothing ever happened and I tried to continue my life the way that I had been living it. Receiving the whole speech from my mother, it seemed like it wasn’t her fault at all. I felt like she was trying to tell me that the reason for all this was because of my father and all of his actions. Once again as a wise teenager I knew that this couldn’t be his entire fault. But who was I to try to see who was right and who was wrong in this situation. I was just a kid trying to figure out why his parents, who he loved dearly didn’t love each other nearly as much as they used. Now, when it came down to my father telling me what was going on with him and his soon to be ex-wife, I actually got the same speech of how it wasn’t really his fault, but the way that my mother was acting wasn’t right. Hearing both sides of the story made me think about something that I couldn’t get off my mind. If they both were blaming each other, how am I ever going to find out who was actually wrong and who was actually right. This is something that still haunts me today and hopefully one day I will realize what went wrong with these two people.
Divorce is a judicial declaration dissolving in whole or in part, especially one that releases the husband and wife from all matrimonial obligations. (www.dictionary.com) With this definition, many are able to see a husband’s and wife’s relationship dissolving from a long period of time before the actual divorce comes into play. A divorce can be compared with an annulment, which is a declaration that claims a marriage to no longer exist but the effects of marriage can be recognized in such organizations like child custody, child support, and distribution of property. In the twentieth century, divorce rates have sky rocketed in many developed countries. The countries in which divorce has become quite common has been the United States, South Korea, and members of the European Union. The acceptance of the single parent family has resulted in many women deciding to have children outside of marriage, as there is little remaining social stigma attached to unwed mothers in some societies. (www.wikipedia.com)
Rather than giving my point of view of how I see divorce, I decided to go out and see how others feel about this topic. Divorce is a very sensitive issue, so I had to find the correct person for the job. It took me a couple days, but a friend that I have met in my first year of school was up for the task. His name is Mark and his parents have been divorced since he was an infant. To be exact, they got divorced to when he was only three months old. Due to the fact that he was only 3 months old when this occurred, I had to restrict some of the questions which I thought were the most important.
I began by asking Mark how his life has been affected by his parents’ divorce. He answered by saying, “You basically have to listen to one person. You can only get one opinion, and that’s from the person that you live with. I think that it totally contradicts what a family should be. In a family, both parents have a say on what the regulations should be and how the rules should be set.” Mark also claimed that when parents a divorced there are always certain changes. You get to see how different both of the parents are. Mark says, “My mom is the total opposite from my dad. If I like something, no matter the price, my mom would say that its mine and she would get it for me. Now on the other hand, if I was with my dad it would be totally different. If I liked something and I wanted it, I would need the approval of my dad because if he doesn’t like it then there isn’t a good chance of me getting that. I then decided to ask him if the divorce was best for both of his parents. When I asked him that he quickly responded with a Yes. At a time, he went to live with his dad for a while and said that it wasn’t the same as living with his mother. He said that it was easier adapting with his mother because it is much easier to get along with her. When parents are divorced and no longer live with each other, it is hard for them to get together for occasions for their children. There is a weird vibe between both of them and the outcome isn’t usually good. Mark told me a story of how his parents weren’t getting along at his high school graduation, and literally made it a “living hell” for him. From past experiences, it is safe to say that I and many others can relate to this.
Usually in a divorce the mother gets custody of the children. In Mark’s case, this was true for him. He says that he was better off living with his mother because they have a great relationship and it is very easy for them to get along with each other. His mother is very open with him and he feels that if he were to live with his father, things wouldn’t be same.
The final question that I had for Mark was one that I think is very important. I asked him how his parents felt about each other. At first he hesitated, but finally answered by saying, “I think that my dad has some issues about the way that my mother raises. He feels that my mother is doing wrong by buying me all of the things that she buys me. But my mother doesn’t care and she says that the way she raises me is the right way. My mother and I know that I wouldn’t be able to live with my father, so right now I’m fine with the way that I’m living.
After finding out how Mark felt about these things, I decided to go out and interview someone whose parents are not divorced. I really wanted to get the best of both worlds and this was the way to do it. The person who I interviewed was a good cousin of mine named John. John and I have been best friends since the day that we were born. But I never really knew how he felt about his parents (not in a negative way) and this was the best time for to find out. As I mentioned before his parents are currently together with four kids. So I asked John how his relationship was with both of his parents. He answered by saying, “I think that I have the best parents in the world. They are great people and I can’t see myself living without both of them. I don’t want to know what it would be like if they were to get a divorce because it would be very hard on me.” John says that his parents get along great. He knows that they have a lot of love for each other just by the way the act around the house. While laughing he said that he can always feel the love in the house when they are home. Like my friend Mark said, a good relationship is found where two people are able to talk with each other and both of them are considerate of each other. This is what John’s parents do best and it might be the reason that they are so happy and not divorced.
I then decided to go out on a limb, and I asked him how things would change if his parents were to get divorced. “If they were to get divorced, my family would not be able to function right. My brothers and I would be lost without one of them” he replied. This doesn’t always happen when parents get divorced but there is still a good chance of this happening. He summed it all up by saying that he feels bad for families who are divorced. He says that he just can’t see one parent raising a child or children the same way both parents can.
Doing this interview opened my eyes for me. I was so narrow headed before, thinking that divorce wasn’t necessary. I thought that if two people got married and had children during their marriage divorce was totally out of the picture. By these to gentlemen showed me that divorce is necessary in some situations. When my parents got divorced I immediately blamed it on one of the parents. I’m not going to mention which parent it was but I can’t lie that I held a grudge on one of them for a very long time. It was wrong to do that but now I know that people get divorce for the better of things. My parents got divorced because they weren’t happy with each other anymore. Why would you be with someone that doesn’t make you happy anymore? I finally see what happened between both of them and I am very disappointed that it took me this long to realize it. But I can’t be mad at myself because you live and you learn. The older you get the wiser you get. I guess that I was just being hard headed before because I knew that I wouldn’t see my father as much as I used too.
Basically, the reason I decided to write this report on divorce was because I don’t really talk about it with others. I feel that I had to get all of this off my chest and share it with other people. By the way I’m writing it may seem like I’m just feeling bad for myself. You should now the answer and if you don’t know it’s, that I’m not feeling bad for myself. I know that there are tons of kids that are in my shoes and maybe if they read this, some way it can help them out. Hopefully if I ever get married and have kids, I don’t want my kids to go through what I have gone through.